Leading without Labels

September 8, 2020 Kate Halewood

I admire the empowering River Island Marketing Campaign launched in February 2018. It has a social conscience, celebrating love and diversity amongst people. The key message: 'Labels are for clothes, not people'. It reminds us of the pitfalls associated with labelling people.

USEFUL LABELS

Human beings like giving things labels. It helps us understand and make meaning of our world. We communicate better when we use universal names for objects - especially in a work environment.

Imagine going to work to discover everyone using a different name for email, computer, or phone. Labelling things without a heartbeat or emotions, in a way we all understand, is useful.

Labels are also useful in the workplace to help people communicate what's important to them - their values, beliefs, morals, and ethics. It's how we distinguish between our rights and our wrongs, our likes, and our dislikes, our good and our bad habits.

And when labels are used by people in work as a force for good, they make valuable communication aids. Particularly when the intent is to make positive connections and interactions with others.

JUDGEMENT LABELS

Environment and context play a huge part in how we respond to particular events and circumstances. Our attitudes and actions towards others are governed by our values and beliefs. Fluctuations in our emotional state determine how willing we are to take on other people's points of view. It's how we form opinions about others.

Humans tend to automatically judge someone else's behaviour on how they see the world. That does not automatically mean the world is as they see it. Views can be inaccurate because people over generalise, distort reality, or delete information to suit their own point of view. They put Judgement Labels on people.

Judgement labels can be positive or negative. They are names or descriptors that originate from opinions. The ones we form when observing someone else's behaviour. When we assign judgement labels to people they get embedded into our unconscious mind and they become our reference points. We start to believe in their authenticity. We develop cognitive bias and consequently look for, or notice behaviours in those we have labelled to reinforce that belief. Even though we may not always consciously realise it, we start to believe the labels we give to people. We let them define them.

In a work environment, people at all levels of the organisation can fall into the trap of using judgement labels.

WORKING WITH LABELS

Some years back, I ran a hotel. The newly appointed Head Chef was struggling to get support from his second in command. On paper there was no reason why this should be the case. They both had complementary personal strengths and skills. Yet judgement labels were being hit to and fro, like a tennis ball in a Singles Championship Rally,

Pop "He's a poor listener"

'Thwack "She' s too stubborn, unwilling to change"

Pop! "He's very impatient and never gives me enough time to consider things!"

Thwack "She's lazy and got no sense of urgency!"

Backhanded comments went back and forth as they tried to hold serve, avoid forced errors and dodge disadvantages.

The games they played had a detrimental effect on their work and their relationship. Their behaviour also had a negative impact on their fellow colleagues. The mood dipped across the team.

What's interesting about this story is how judgement labels quickly escalated and created major conflict. And where there's conflict, Judgement Labels turn into Negative Labels.

NEGATIVE LABELS

Negative labels are destructive. They are the words and phrases people use to describe another person or their behaviour when there is an unresolved conflict. The ones we give to others when they do something we don't like, or we cannot seem to reason. Who we believe are making our lives difficult for no apparent reason. Who respond to our point of view in a way we believe to be unwelcome or unjust.

There are two types of negative labels. Visible Negative Labels and Invisible Negative Labels. Visible Negative Labels are the destructive one’s people openly give us. We are aware of their existence. They are the ones people say to our face, that we believe are false and undermine our character. We usually have an immediate opportunity to respond to these types of labels.

INVISIBLE NEGATIVE LABELS

The second type of negative labels are Invisible Negative Labels. These are the worst type of labels. The type people may give to others when they are not present. If you have a label like this, you will almost definitely be the last person to know.

People who choose to use invisible negative labels often favour resignation over resolution. They do not work at building strong positive relationships; they give up on them. Moaning about the situation to others rather than looking for an opportunity to repair the relationship. Unwilling to meet that person in their world in the interest of mutual well-being.

At their worst, Invisible Negative Labels are given intentionally. They are used to gather support from others in a group to pigeonhole, stereotype or socially exclude an individual. This is of course a defence mechanism, an attempt to protect themselves from a perceived threat or harm from the person they have labelled. A vehicle to convince them that they are not the cause of the problem. When the truth is, they are part of it.

LOADED LABELS

This is what happened with the Head Chef and his deputy. The judgement labels turned into negative labels.

As their differences grew, the deputy led a behind the scenes campaign and gained favour with the Kitchen Team. By repeatedly pinning invisible negative labels on the Head Chef, the brigade developed the belief “He's the problem".

When the Head Chef eventually became aware of what was being said about him, he took a defensive position. He overcompensated and became overly accommodating to all the team's requests. Where he earned an additional label "he's a pushover".

As the negative labels flew around the Kitchen, the talented Head Chef started to feel like he did not belong. The conflict and social rejection, born out of negative labelling, had a huge impact on his self-esteem and his mental health deteriorated. He reached breaking point.

The deputy wasn't feeling much better either. Even though she had managed to gain favour with the team, she was also fielding increasing complaints about the Head Chef. Ones that replicated the exact negative labels she had assigned to him. "He's a poor listener, impatient, inconsiderate, the problem and a pushover'. I call these loaded labels.

LOADED LABELS AND LOSS

Once negative and loaded labels have been assigned to people, human beings often look for ways to re-enforce them to validate their own point of view. It can prevent us from discovering personal strengths and attractive qualities in others. When we use negative labels, we miss so much about a person. Unconsciously we close ourselves off from their point of view. Reducing our ability to learn from each other. We look for behaviours that support the negative labels. Removing opportunities for positive outcomes. Limiting ways to grow together for the benefit of mutual well-being.

The sadness of the Kitchen drama was neither the Head Chef or his deputy were initially willing to consider or respect each other's point of view. Unwilling to acknowledge their own perceptions might not be reality.

It's human nature for us to look for easy options and quick fixes to solve our problems. That's why it's easier and quicker to assign labels to people than it is to explore the validity of our own beliefs and perceptions. Whilst humans naturally look for the easy route, it doesn't always mean it is the right route.

MAKING LASTING CONNECTIONS

Beliefs and perception are our own version of the truth but that does not mean they are reality. To relate well to others, we must embrace cognitive diversity. Accept our interpretation of events are often translated differently by others. Be open to the possibility that our own thinking may be distorted. Seek first to understand others and accommodate our differences. This is how we make lasting human connections. How we all gain social belonging and mutual well-being.

LEADERSHIP WITHOUT LABELS

The story in this article demonstrates how negative labelling becomes destructive in work relationships. How it can stop strong, close, and positive bonds from developing at work. Achieving the exact opposite to what everyone in the working population hopes for - to be appreciated for their contributions and feel like they belong.

You are not alone if you have found yourself in a difficult relationship at work and negative labels are being used. You might be experiencing it now.

These labels are generalisations and distortions. They are destructive, unhelpful beliefs that will push your work relationships into a downward spiral.

People are complex beings and we don't need fixing. The strategies we use sometimes do. We require some latitude to explore how each other thinks and feels to understand the reasons behind our respective behaviours. By embracing cognitive diversity, we are open to see the world from the perspective of others. This helps us decide how to act in a respectful way towards each other. How to develop and achieve common goals.

COLLABORATIVE CONVERSATIONS

Back in the hotel kitchen, the Head Chef and his deputy took a big step back. They realised the situation was getting worse for them and the rest of the team. Something had to change.

Together they acknowledged the presence of cognitive diversity. Through collaborative conversation they removed the negative labels.

As the label disappeared, they both realised they would be better off playing a different game. A team sport where the goal was to stand together on the podium of success, rather than alone. They began to work through their differences. Develop joint strategies on how best to lead the Kitchen operation and team. They put 'team glory' ahead of 'personal glory'.

For the first time, they saw each other through a different lens. Inviting each other to play to their strengths. The ultimate reward was job satisfaction, team spirit and great customer feedback.

If you are having difficult relations with someone at work, embrace your differences. Get rid of the negative labels and get your FREE How to have Collaborative Conversations Guide here.

Uplifting Leadership at Work - Part 2

May 29, 2020 Kate Halewood

In Part One of Uplifting Leadership for Mental Health and Well-being, we discovered we are not that different from astronauts in Space. We too need to adjust to new surroundings and to being away from colleagues, family and friends during COVID-19.

We also discovered employee's priorities and moods are changing. There has been a shift to value hygiene factors ahead of motivational factors (Herzberg Two Factor Theory). They are now more susceptible to low mood and a lack of motivation.

To respond to these changes, we discovered the valuable practice of Uplifting Leadership. How hope inspires people. How Uplift can help sustain business continuity, and the mental health and well-being of a workforce.

In part two of Uplifting Leadership for Mental Health and Well-being, we’ll review factors that can impede Uplifting Leadership and also provide some practical tips to help leaders generate hope and uplift across the workforce.

How Much Hope Do Your People Have?

In Part One, we revealed how hope is not just a feel-good emotion. It is a dynamic cognitive motivational system involving the will and the ways to achieve goals (Kaufman, 2014).

If you want to inspire your people, first test their levels of hope. Consider inviting your people to answer this simple question.

When thinking about work, are you more often fearing the worst or wishing for the best?

If the majority answer wishing for the best, it is highly likely you have a hopeful workforce. Keep doing what you are doing. You are probably already adopting Uplifting Leadership. You might also find some additional useful tips here.

If the answer is fearing the worst, consider adopting Uplifting Leadership. Begin with these starter tips to Uplift your people. Remember, most employees hope you to will do the right thing by them. The practical tips in this article are designed to generate Uplift throughout a workforce.

Make Performance Targets Realistic

When a business experiences significant, unexpected and detrimental disruption, it stops hitting performance targets. When this happens business leaders can often adopt self-defeating practices. Keeping organisational targets the same as before the disturbance.

Leaders can also reject reasonable requests to revise targets during major disruption. During COVID-19 some employees have also reported expectations to maintain usual outputs despite reduced working hours.

This sets people up for failure and employees often feel pushed to their limit. The result is top down pressure and lack of bottom up support. No one wins and it causes a decline in mood, motivation and performance.

Leadership Tips to Cause Uplift

Employers want to be set realistic targets so they can achieve them. Do the right thing and reevaluate your targets across the workforce. Work with your people to readjust the measurement of success to realistic and achievable levels. Then celebrate the wins. It will provide you and your team members with the uplift you all need to keep going during the pandemic.

Having Purpose and Realistic Goals

When major disruption occurs in the workforce, employees can suffer low mood. They can also experience a lack of motivation and direction.

Finding a sense of purpose during isolation or separation is likely to be helpful.

When astronaut Peggy Whitson was asked to provide some tips for staying positive during isolation, she said "COVID-19 gives us a higher purpose much like being in space does because we are saving lives by quarantining …. it gives us a rational for continuing to put up with the situation."

As well as higher purpose, it is also important for employees to understand their work purpose. Understanding the part that they play in the organization, gives them meaning. A sense of belonging and forward projection.

Employees with low mood and a lack of motivation can also feel overwhelmed by long-term goals. They may feel unable to discuss it with their line manager for fear of reprisal. Others may be more expressive and assert their position more forcefully.

Leadership Tips to Cause Uplift

Help employees understand how their role makes a positive contribution to the organisation and wider community. Tell stories of people who have overcome adversity, survived ordeals or sacrificed themselves for the greater good. This can provide a rationale and inspire extraordinary effort to support organisational changes.

Help employees establish small and realistic goals over shorter periods of time, instead of the end goal. It will stimulate motivation and provide a valuable source of focus to raise mood levels. Acknowledge progress and focus on small achievements to help foster a sense of competence (British Psychological Society, 2020). Provide them with regular opportunities to celebrate success to create a sense of togetherness, even if it is via video link.

Establish Priority Routines

When astronaut Scott Kelly was asked to provide some tips for living in isolation, he said his strict astronaut schedule helped him keep moving and motivated. Therapist Clair Jack PH.D describes routine as the cornerstone of good mental health in How to Keep Up Healthy Routines During Coronavirus.

Without routine life becomes unpredictable. This means anxiety and fear can set in. Human brains welcome routine. It creates a stable environment - it makes what’s coming next predictable.

In a work environment, this can help employees navigate through uncertainty more easily. Having a routine helps them gain a sense of control throughout the day. It helps them stay in the present, so they are not distracted by other situations out with their control.

Leadership Tips to Cause Uplift

Encourage employees to set some time aside each week to create a weekly plan and establish a consistent structure for daily tasks and routines. Putting those smaller goals into a realistic schedule.

Help them prioritise workloads using the Eisenhower Matrix and assist them if they get stuck. Employees will experience uplift when they feel able to plan a future with more certainty.

Help Employees Work Through Their Feelings

Research by the British Psychological Society (2020) reported people who have experienced confinement in the extremes, describe ‘detaching’ emotionally from the situation. In a work environment, detachment leads to employee disengagement. This means there is less collaboration and productivity in an organisation.

When employees become emotionally detached it is often realized during the assessment of performance. This is unhelpful for all parties involved because it usually results in a reactive performance management conversation. A proactive conversation that seeks to uplift mood and prevent emotional detachment is of much more value.

Leadership Tips to Cause Uplift

Be proactive in helping employees to reappraise their feelings and search for the positives in the situation. Ask them to share their concerns and explore what can be done to minimise fears, anxiety and stress. Encourage them not to dwell on situations or forecast outcomes out with their control.

Consider using the Circle of Influence and Control [Stephen Covey] and work through their thinking together. Then discuss ways they can improve their outlook to feel a sense of personal control. Options like positive self-talk, outcome visualization, gratitude journals and peer support can help. This approach will provide some rational perspective, restore hope and help reduce negative feelings.

Communication is Key

Isolated living means effective communication is more important than ever during COVID-19. We can learn a lot from astronauts and how they prepare for isolated living.

An astronaut’s space station crew become their family when in orbit. They stay with them throughout the day and the night. Isolated from colleagues, friends and family who are back on earth.

Astronauts undertake training to improve communication on board a space station. They prepare well in advance for the pressures on interpersonal relationships. Like astronauts, employees don’t get to pick their crew, so have to find ways to communicate well in every situation.

Expedition teams also develop team norms that embrace open and honest conversations. They resolves issues that can potentially lead to conflict (Smith et al., 2017). To maintain mood and morale, they also manage call content and when they connect with people outside their crew.

In a work environment, the cost of poor communication first appears in working relationships. Misunderstandings whether written or verbal often result in a mixture of negative self- talk, unhelpful two-way communication and an unhappy workforce. Without effective communication, leaders and employees hopes can dissipate. Stress, anxiety and fears can escalate. Performance, mental health and well-being are jeopardized.

Leadership Tips to Cause Uplift

Prepare for the pressures on interpersonal relationships. Create a culture where your people want to understand and embrace diverse thinking and behavioural preferences, to create a positive and productive working environment.

Give your people the right training and development to embrace cognitive diversity and communicate in a style that improves mood and morale.

Use modern, trusted and accessible psychometric tools, such as Emergenetics, to help you and your team continue to improve skills in communication as you navigate through COVID-19 and beyond. Utilise supporting smart-phone application technology that provides ‘pocket advice’ for sustainable reinforcement.

Mind Your Tone and Language

Mehrabian’s research (Silent Messages, 1971) suggests tone of voice and words account for 45% of how communication is interpreted. Employees separated by social distancing are increasingly using electronic communication. As a result, verbal ahead of non- verbal communication, is becoming even more important in day to day interactions.

People also tend to interpret words differently depending on their thinking profile. Reduced opportunity to read non-verbal cues means people in work will rely more on verbal cues to enable effective workplace communication.

Leadership Tips to Cause Uplift

Even though people tend to interpret words differently, there are some universal norms to avoid and adopt. Avoid words and phrases that reduce people’s energy levels. In Emergenetics we term this as the Language of Grace. A language that emphasizes positivity, caring and connectedness.

Run a creative workshop and have some fun discovering the words and phrases that negatively affect you and your people’s energy levels. Work together on developing positive replacements that increase energy. Then commit to using the new words and phrases during future conversations.

Simple changes in language really can have a positive impact on across an organization.

Back To Earth

When astronauts return to Earth, they have to readapt to gravity, regain their balance and deal with the mental and physical after-effects of being in space. As one Italian astronaut, Samantha Cristoforetti said on Twitter ‘Doing great, but gravity is tough’ (2015).

Returning to the norm can also prove difficult for some leaders and team members across all types of organisations.

Creating Uplift gives your people hope and the psychological safety they need to stay motivated and carry on. It reassures team members whatever the outcome, you will be there to do the right thing by them and support them.

Uplifting Leadership is not just a plan to get you and your people through COVID-19. It is a strategy to guide leaders and their people towards ongoing effective performance as well as happiness, health and well-being. It means everyone can exit the COVID experience in good shape and continue to thrive together.

Emergenetics®

Get in touch If you would like to know more about Emergenetics® or ROOTBALL Power Partnerships.

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I would really love to hear from you if you found this article helpful. Get in touch and let me know how it's working for you.

Uplifting Leadership at Work - Part 1

May 28, 2020 Kate Halewood

During the past few weeks, I've had several conversations with stressed out business leaders. We’ve covered life, leadership and the impact of the recent pandemic. Concerns about business continuity, health and financial security are unsurprisingly dominating.

In all my conversations some key words keep popping up to describe their experiences. Words like ‘surreal’, ‘weird’ and ‘strange’. Many have even told me they feel like they are working in an ‘alternate universe’.

It made me wonder how astronauts cope when they first arrive in Space.

Even Astronauts Need Time to Adjust

Despite intensive training, astronauts can feel disorientated and drained when they arrive in Space. They may also suffer a loss of appetite, stomach upsets and lose their sense of time and space. They need to overcome feelings of stress, anxiety and fear. Adjust to their new surroundings and find ways to cope with being away from their loved ones, friends, and family.

Does this sound familiar, as you and your team test new ways of working during COVID-19?

When COVID-19 hit, we did not expect or train for it. Nor did we foresee the disruption it would have in our lives.

Somewhat like an astronaut, it is normal to feel a sense of disorientation, loss and upset, when navigating an ‘alternate universe’.

Anxiety and Fear in an Alternate Universe

Does it feel like you have been catapulted into outer space without a space suit? Are you experiencing a disorientating free fall, as you grieve the temporary loss of gravity that once kept you and those around you grounded?

Whether you are a leader or employee, it is normal to feel stress, anxiety, and fear during COVID-19. How it affects individuals depends on their domestic and employment circumstances. Though what we all have in common is we want to protect our physical and mental health, and our well-being.

For most of the working population, the focus on achievement, growth, and advancement [motivational factors] are no longer a priority to achieve job satisfaction and well-being. Salary protection, job security, work conditions and safe company policies [hygiene factors] are now top of the list. Domestic conditions like financial hardship and schooling children may also be considerations.

Most leaders now have less resources, reduced budgets, and lower cash reserves. A large proportion are operating in a devastated marketplace. Wondering how to do more with less as well as maintain employee engagement and well-being.

As a result, emotions and anxiety levels are running high.

This calls for leaders to evaluate their approach to leadership for two important reasons. To maintain business continuity and protect the mental health and well-being of themselves and their people.

The Shift in Mood State

Inspirational leaders encourage and stimulate feeling and action in a workforce. Inspiring others to push themselves, achieve more and reach their potential. However, as the workforce becomes more concerned with hygiene factors, the motivation to act, achieve more and reach potential is waning. Driven by the need for psychological and physical safety, people’s priorities and moods are shifting. The British Psychological Society (2020) states ‘it is almost inevitable that at some point during isolation and quarantine people will experience feelings of low mood and a lack of motivation’.

Mood state and feelings are the drivers of behaviour at work. Response to behaviour also affects mood state and feelings in the workforce.

When an employee has low mood, they are unlikely to feel enthusiastic or excited about their job and they often lack the motivation to improve relationships at work. They also endangers their own and colleagues mental health and well-being (Totterdell and Niven, workplace moods and emotions research, 2014). This has a negative impact on communication, collaboration and productivity within an organization.

Inspiring a workforce into action can also prove difficult if a large proportion of employees have low mood. By uplifting them – creating an environment that encourages them to improve their mood – they are more likely to be receptive to inspiration.

The presence of uplift is essential if you want to inspire people in your organization. This calls for an additional leadership discipline. One that focuses on mood enhancement. A practice called Uplifting Leadership.

What is Uplifting Leadership?

The word Uplifting means 'to morally or spiritually elevate and inspire happiness or hope'. Many people get confused between the definition of ‘inspiring’ and ‘uplifting’ and think they have the same meaning. There is a difference. Inspiring is to encourage and stimulate action or feeling, whilst uplifting is all about improving mood.

The authors of Uplifting Leadership (Hargreaves, Boyle and Harris, 2014), describe Uplifting Leadership as the beating heart of effective leadership. They say;

'Uplifting Leadership is the creation of ‘emotional, spiritual and moral uplift throughout an organization and the wider community it influences and is concerned with emotional and spiritual engagement, social and moral justice and improved performance in work and life.’

At its core, Uplifting Leadership involves ‘the pursuit and attainment of hope and happiness for every employer, leader, and team member’.

Why does Uplifting Leadership Matter?

Employees buy into organisations’ that stand for and contribute to something they believe in and deem important. They also want to improve their own quality and experience of life. Hargreaves, Boyle and Harris (2014) say;

‘Uplifting Leadership raises peoples hopes and stirs up their passions. It stimulates their intellect and imagination. Making spirits soar and pulses quicken in a collective quest to achieve a greater good for everyone. It helps people protect against unexpected or opposing forces. Raising the collective performance of a team to reach outstanding levels of achievement.’

Uplifting Leadership inspires hope in an organisations’ people to achieve happiness. This is important because during periods of uncertainty, mood levels can fluctuate. Apathy can set in and employee expectations start to override organisational aspirations.

Uplifting Leadership embraces cognitive diversity in the workforce. Encourages employers and employees to willingly reveal the outcomes they hope to achieve. Motivates them to reframe their fears and share what they want to happen, rather what they don’t want to happen.

It steers work-related conversations in a positive direction. Improves communication and fosters a solution-focused environment. A place where employer and employees work together. Where they fulfil mutual hopes for the benefit of each other, as well as the organization. Advance collective responsibility and shared accountability to deliver outstanding outcomes. A culture where mistakes are learning opportunities. Where mental health and well-being are on an equal footing with financial aspirations.

Hope in Uplifting Leadership

Everyone wants to be happy, right?

When positive outcomes occur for us - things that we hope for - we become happy.

Happiness evolves from a reference point of hope.

The definition of hope is wanting something to happen or be the case – a confident expectation.

Hope creates a positive mood about an expectation, a goal, or a future situation. Whilst there are practical and interdependent stages to navigate between hope and happiness, hope is the reference point by which our level of happiness is assessed.

It is well documented in the Science of Hope (Yes, it is a science) that hope fulfilled leads to health and happiness.

Psychologist Kaufman (2014) says Hope is not just a feel-good emotion. It is a dynamic cognitive motivational system. He also says in Wills and Ways to Hope that hope involves the will to get there, and different ways to get there. It allows people to approach challenges with a positive mindset. To develop strategies destined for success.

Hope satisfied, is happiness. When we are happy, we feel uplifted. We are more likely to adopt positive thoughts, outlooks and behaviours.

Encouraging a culture of hope in an organization helps employees find optimism, possibility, and self-efficacy. The more hope and happiness they have, the more receptive they are to inspiration.

Without hope across the workforce, employees will give up. Their stress, fears and anxiety levels will increase. They will become mentally absent. This can lead to physical absence. They will lose their ability to imagine a better world. This impedes positive thinking, proactivity, and performance. It reduces two-way communication, collaboration, and productivity.

Develop shared hopes to protect business continuity and collective mental health and well-being. It is the first vital step to help recalibrate a workforce following a major disruption. Turn shared hopes into common goals [causing uplift]. This will give your people faith and a sense of belonging in the organization. It will strengthen bonds, breed loyalty and inspire positive action.

People with hope are more likely to do something that causes shared happiness. And when people do something to cause happiness, they usually want to do more of it. No one ever complained about feeling too much happiness or helping someone else find happiness.

Hope and Difficult Decisions

You can still give your people hope when having to make difficult decisions.

If you are facing this possibility provide your people with Uplifting Leadership. Yes, avoid making grand gestures that you are unable to follow through. Your people will not thank you for making promises you cannot keep. Though they will respect your honesty when you admit you don’t have all the answers. Keep them up to date as you learn more and help them make hope happen.

Consider the advice of Shane Lopez, PH. D, author of Making Hope Happen.

Focus on fueling optimism in their belief that they have the power to make the changes they want in their life. Help them define realistic goals, offer support and be a hopeful person yourself’.

Want to Know More?

Part Two of Uplifting Leadership for Mental Health and Well-being will be available tomorrow.

Watch out for it and discover the key factors affecting Uplifting Leadership, as well as some practical tips to help leaders generate hope and uplift across the workforce.

Letting off Steam during COVID-19

April 6, 2020 Kate Halewood

We are all experiencing different journeys during COVID-19.

Parents are finding it hard to balance homeworking with looking after their kids. Others are worrying where the next pay packet is coming from. Whether the business they own or work in will survive. As one friend cares for a sick family member, the other is unable to visit her mother in hospital. She continues to manage her own health conditions. Whilst a neighbour and first-time dad worries for the safety of his new-born. Preparing to return to the front line and to avoid bringing the virus home. Let's not forget those who are self-isolating, single and living alone, who are feeling massively detached from their friends, partners, family and community. And what about our homeless population?

A New Psychological Dimension

It's fair to say, none of us have experienced a situation like this in our lifetime. The uncertainty around how long it will last, having to find new ways to adapt in unusual circumstances and not knowing what the impact will be, has introduced a new psychological dimension. One which feels unfamiliar and surreal.

It's tempting to want to try and predict the future. Yet the reality is, the information to get those answers, is sketchy at best. Which leaves us in limbo. In a game of uncertainty that no one really wants to play.

A large proportion of us, no matter what our story, are instinctively starting to mourn a loss in freedom of movement, social engagement and financial stability, all to differing degrees - mourning a liberty we once enjoyed prior to the pandemic. As a result, angry birds are trying to nest in our psyche.

Nesting Angry Birds

Anger is one of the five emotional stages of loss. A normal emotional reaction to people or events that threaten our way of life. It can make us behave badly towards others or withdraw from our trusted circle. Damaging personal, work and community relationships.

An angry bird is a psychological intruder with a destructive purpose and agenda. We either find a way to soothe and diffuse our angry bird or let it squawk and flap about until it wears us, and others out.

There are several different types of angry birds. Each with their own set of irritation triggers. Let’s use some of the Angry Bird characters from the Angry Bird Movie, to determine whether an angry bird is pecking at your head.

The Anger of Red

You have become cynical, believing people are only thinking about themselves. Concerned about protecting your own interests, excluding the well-being of others. Plans may already be in place to protect your stock of toilet roll and you are preparing to wrestle your mythical foe for packets of pasta and your favourite tinned soup. Only concrete evidence to the contrary will dissuade you from your current course of action. Consequently, you have become more short-tempered, antagonistic, sarcastic and grumpy towards others.

The Anger of Chuck

You may have no filter and find this is getting you into trouble. Forcefully telling everyone exactly what you think and how you feel about the situation. You flit between brutal honesty and the inappropriate, rarely being considerate of how others are feeling. You may flounce around saying things like 'Am I the only one who gets how serious this is' or 'This is bollocks - I hate every second of it! COVID-19 is just fake news, isn't it?'

You believe your need to off - load is greater than the needs of others.

The Anger of Bomb

Normally you are chilled but the separation from your trusted people is getting you worked up. You feel like you are ready to explode. You love hanging out and are finding the separation tough. Even though Zoom is keeping you from going completely cuckoo, you are at boiling point. In unknown territory, desperately trying to find a way to diffuse your bomb.

The Anger of Terence

You normally say little about what you are thinking and feeling. Though the occasional growls and twitters provide clues to how annoyed you really are. Zoom fatigue is setting in and you are spitting feathers. You have become somewhat self - righteous. Demanding everyone in the flock observes and obeys the new regulations.

Are You Harbouring An Angry Bird?

The truth is, most of us will harbour an angry bird at some point during this lockdown. Even though we would prefer to be rid of these raging and fiery creatures - to channel our inner Matilda or even Mighty Eagle. To make it our business to keep good vibes going and be a dedicated defender of the common good.

To Vent Or Not To Vent?

WebMd suggests that expressing anger in an appropriate way can be a helpful strategy. Research reports ‘suppressed anger can become an underlying cause of anxiety and depression’.

Whilst venting anger might seem like a good idea. More recent research from Bushman suggests traditional venting methods are counter-intuitive. The study revealed venting anger does not rid people of their angry bird. Neither does excessive ruminating about the cause of anger. Punching-bags, thumping pillows and yelling in the shower are no longer considered effective. Instead, it's like pouring gasoline on a fire - it feeds the flame.

Releasing our angry bird, setting them free to squawk, flap about and wear us all out is not such a good idea after all. The advice suggests we want to avoid setting our angry bird free to hiss, peck at or dive-bomb others.

Calming Our Angry Birds

The research concludes that distraction or doing nothing has a more calming effect.

It recommends finding unrelated ways to let off steam, away from the source of anger. To get rid of angry feelings or energy, rather than encourage and exacerbate them. Letting off steam should seek to extinguish the fires of anger, rather than fuel them.

And learning effective ways to let off steam will become helpful to us all in the coming weeks and months. In a pressure cooker environment, we all need a steam release valve to function and avoid blowing up.

Unsuprisingly, WebMd advises that keeping calm has a positive impact on our health and well-being. Having a good-nature, peaceful thinking and helpful behaviour reduces negative physical symptoms. Avoiding headaches, stomach problems and even uncontrollable shaking. Reducing the risk of high blood pressure and potential heart problems.

How To Effectively Let Off Steam

Letting off steam is about having self-awareness and self-control. Knowing what triggers our angry bird , knowing what soothes it and knowing when to take appropriate action to control it, in the interest of our own and others well-being. If you are looking for new ways to calm yours, here's a five-step restorative practice. It helps me let off steam and rid myself of my angry bird, and it might work for you too.

STEP 1 Go To Your Steam Room

The first thing to do is remove yourself from the situation that has caused your anger. That means a mental, as well as physical shift. Raging at others or dwelling on it will only serve to reinforce negative feelings. So, designate a room at home to let off steam, somewhere away from high traffic areas. A place where you can get space to get calm and peaceful. Consider going outside, if that's an option.

STEP 2 Step Out of Your Anger

Close the door behind you, step out of your anger and let go. Literally, take a physical step forward. At the same time clear your mind of all your angry thoughts. and step into your imaginary paradise.

STEP 3 Step Into Flow

Then immerse yourself in an activity you enjoy until you feel your anger subside. Here's a few activities I enjoy. You can use one or more of these or try something else until you find the one that work for you.

Listen to your favourite tune. Playing a little soft music from your playlist can have an immediate relaxing effect. If you play a musical instrument, entertain yourself with an old favourite. A genuine feeling of calm will wash over you.

Do Exercise you Enjoy. Pilates, free weights or other forms of exercise like yoga, aerobics, dance. Do whatever puts you in flow. Avoid exercise that you don't enjoy. Only when you are in flow can you release pent-up emotions to achieve a greater state of peace and calm.

Lean into Laughter. Trust me. It's hard to stay mad when you are having a laugh. Even false laughing has been proven to be an effective stress - relief technique. Watch a comedy or try Laughter Therapy. Click here to watch and join Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield and get into the swing of it.

It may be tempting to sit in silence with your anger. Silence itself can be stressful for some and can result in boredom. Remember bored people become anxious people and anxious people are susceptible to anger. By distracting yourself and keeping busy, you have a greater chance of keeping calm.

Then when you are feeling totally relaxed and calm, consider unpicking the reasons behind your anger using the process in Step Four.

STEP 4 Start a Comfort Journal

Start and keep a Comfort Journal. Somewhere to dump your thoughts, emotions and experiences that trigger your anger. Jot down words of comfort in response to how you feel - ones that alleviate your grief or distress. Finally, use your logical brain to explore and develop a new coping strategy to help you act for the common good. You can use some of the questions below to help you find the answers.

What specifically is causing me to feel this way?

How exactly is it affecting me and others?

How can I behave differently to avoid unnecessary upset?

How will I and others benefit from me controlling my anger?

When I feel this way again, what will I do differently to get a better outcome?

Record everything in your Comfort Diary so you can use it as a source of guidance.

It may be tempting to talk to friends and family about what’s causing your anger. Sometimes this can help and sometimes it can unintentionally fuel the fires of anger. If you do decide to talk to a trusted person, notice how you are feeling during the conversation to determine if the chat is helping. If emotions are still running high, end the conversation politely and revert to the tips in this article. Continue the conversation, only If you find you are becoming more relaxed and calm.

STEP 5 Unlock Your Mighty Eagle

Deploy your new coping strategy and as storms approach, use your restorative practice as you look at things from a new, higher perspective. Fly like a mighty eagle, lift above the storm and leave behind your angry birds. Feel the hot air release as you glide towards clearer skies, knowing the future holds the answers that you may not yet be able to see. Certain that collective needs for peace, calm and security during COVID-19 are much greater than individual needs.

Final Words

Anger, like other emotions, plays an important role in all our lives.. We use it to protect ourselves. Yet having the ability to control it can lead to more positive outcomes. Feeling it also signals something is wrong. It’s normal to feel our angry bird from time to time - and now more than ever - taking a bird’s eye view, to understand what's really going on, can help us truly soar.

Six Mental Health and Well-Being Tips for Leaders and Team Members to help navigate through COVID-19 Outbreak

March 19, 2020 Kate Halewood

We are all learning how to cope in one of the most uncertain and unprecedented periods of our lifetime. A nation who aims to save lives as well as livelihoods, has reached an uncomfortably tricky 'fork in the road'. We all find ourselves in unchartered territory.

Most of us are asking the same important questions. How long is this going to go on for? Will I have a job/business when this is over? Will we have enough money?

There is plenty of uncertainty in the air right now and in dealing with this uncertainty, a large proportion of us are also experiencing stress and anxiety.

We all react differently to stressful situations. Particularly where we are not yet able to predict or know the outcome. We don't have all the answers to our immediate questions. We do want to successfully navigate through these difficult times. The most important thing to do in this unsettling period, is to help each other cope with our stress and anxiety.

Here’s six helpful stress management tips to help you and your teams reduce stress and anxiety.

SIX STRESS MANAGEMENT TIPS

1. POSITIVE SELF-TALK

None of us are happy about what’s happening at present. If you or anyone you know is getting negative thoughts about recent events, respond with positive self-talk and help others to do the same. It can have a calming effect and help everyone feel more in control.

Our brains are programmed to focus more on the negative as we make sense of our world. This can affect how we respond, particularly in times of difficulty. When we receive bad news, we can often find ourselves spending every waking hour thinking about what’s going to happen. This can get us into an unhelpful Worry Cycle, especially when we are not always able to control the outcome.

The more we worry, the more we start to imagine different outcomes of our own creation. Often with a negative bias. This can lead to negative self- talk about ourselves and others. It can have a detrimental effect on our collective mental health and well-being.

Positive self-talk has the opposite effect.

Here’s some things you and others can do to counter the negative bias.

Remember positive stories from the past. Stories where you overcame adversity. Remind yourself, you already have the ability to do it again.

Try re-programming your mind. Repeat positive affirmations to replace negative ones when they enter your mind. Here’s a few to consider or you could create one that works better for you.

“One day at a time. Whatever happpens, we will be fine”

“I have the strength to get through this and will thrive on the other side”

“Things change and I can adapt, whatever the outcome”

Most importantly, remember you and others are valued members of the team, who each have an important part to play.

Remind yourself of that in your moments of doubt and worry. Circumstances out with everyone’s control has led us to this point. So, work together to overcome setbacks.

When we pull together in the same direction, we feel a sense of safety, security and belonging, which in turn, reduces stress and anxiety.

2. AVOID NEWS OVERLOAD

Keep well informed of the COVID-19 outbreak. Use reliable sources of information. Social media can often report fake news, so it is important to use trusted sources.

Also, remember and remind others to take breaks from watching, listening or reading the news. News bulletins are designed to sensationalise and elicit an emotional response. When we repeat watch, read or listen to Negative News, we tend to spend more time thinking and talking about it. This behaviour can lead to increased sadness and anxiety.

Instead, do the things you enjoy and make you happy and encourage others to do the same. It is important to take breaks from thinking about negative news and have some fun. This way, everyone’s moods will brighten.

3. KEEP CONNECTED

Thank goodness for the digital age! It allows us to stay connected, as we follow the government advise of social distancing.

The fear and worry about your own health, the health of your loved ones, work mates and other work-related concerns means we need to stay connected, more than ever now.

Keep in touch with your boss and teammates about how you are feeling. Help each other to find ways to successfully navigate this experience. Show genuine compassion towards each other. Share and seek to understand how one another feels, even when emotions are running high. The more open and honest your communication the better. Keeping communication channels open is important to reduce our anxiety and stress.

Video Call or FaceTime your friends and family. Seeing a familiar face, hearing a familiar voice, can evoke stronger emotional connections. Which in turn release the ‘happy chemicals’ in our brain and this make us feel good.

We are all social beings at the core and need to keep connecting throughout and beyond this pandemic.

4. EAT WELL, SLEEP WELL AND STAY ACTIVE

Take care of your physical health and encourage team members to follow the same path. Have a daily walk in nature. Keep the routine going. Boost mood and improve well-being.

Eating regular, healthy meals also has a positive effect on mental health and well-being. Consider and encourage team members to cut down on caffeine. Reduce alcohol intake and how much processed and junk food is eaten.

For those having trouble sleeping, why not give this a go. Take slow and deliberate breaths and as you drop off, recall all the things you are grateful for in your life. Having a partner, what fun you had with your kids. A roof over your head, a kindness from a stranger or a friend. An internet connection, clean water, even being alive! – the list is actually endless. Remembering what we are grateful for can help us drift off to sleep with a calm and abundant feeling.

5. LET IT OUT & LET IT GO

We are all susceptible to fear, anger, grief, irritability and feelings of helplessness.

For those experiencing these emotional states, why not keep and write in a journal to let go of fear, anger and any other unhelpful feelings.

It will allow you to express your emotions in a constructive way.
Releasing bottled up feelings can have a calming effect.
You can identify the cause of your worry to help you find a cure.

Exercise self-compassion. Treat yourself and others with kindness and consideration, as you would a dear friend. Encourage one another to choose to let go of unhelpful thinking and behaviours that are causing stress and anxiety.

6. MANAGING MONEY

Financial worries are not something any of us like to think about. Yet, managing your finances can be key to reducing stress and worry.

Getting professional help to work through financial challenges can help find solutions. Click here to access the Citizens Advice Website. They give some great financial advice. On budgeting, managing your mortgage/rent payments, banking and help with debt.

Finding ways to cope with stress will make you, the people around you and communities your involved in stronger.

The next few months are going to be difficult and uncertain times for everyone. Let’s support each other as much as we can during these unprecedented times.

Click here to download your free editable employee communication resource

Get Up & Go Work-Life Lifts

January 20, 2020 Kate Halewood

Hands up if you have said any of the following things at work lately;

'I've too much going on to focus on it'

'I would love to ...if only I had the time'

'I'll definitely start tomorrow'

These are all statements of procrastination. It is what we do when we postpone or delay activity and excuse ourselves from doing something. At one time or another we will all have done it in our lives and often the consequences are trivial.

What about the times when we postpone things, even when we know we should be doing it? Like putting off fulfilling project activities at work.

Most of us already know the benefits we can get from completing those tasks; A better mood - happiness, stress reduction, a sense of accomplishment and even undisturbed sleep. They all sound like things we want, right? So, what causes us to delay the start of an activity? What makes us struggle to commit to it?

Here are a few possible reasons;

• Fear of failure to start - 'I may not be good at it'.

• Perfectionist Syndrome- ''I don't want to make a mistake'

• Lack of self-belief to finish - 'I'll never stick at it'.

• Lack of motivation - 'the reward is not big enough'.

• Absence of Flow - 'I don't enjoy it'

• Perceived physical barriers - 'I'm too exhausted'

• Emotional states - 'I'm far too stressed’

When we do this, we excuse ourselves from having to reschedule the activities we are deferring. Two things result;

• Guilt (because we believe we should be doing it).

• We don’t get what we want.

Unwanted Procrastination

Unwanted Procrastination generates negative feelings like self- doubt, self-punishment and helplessness. When left to fester it can also lead to mental illness such as anxiety and depression. Physical health problems can then follow. To get what we want we must change our behaviour; our habits and find our willpower from within.

Here are six of my GET UP AND GO Work-Life Lifts to help you act when you are putting off those niggling tasks.

1. Start now.

Just start - take the plunge. Commit yourself and do it now, despite the perceived risks involved. Doing something, rather than nothing, will get you closer to what you want.

2. Turn the tables

When you start to talk yourself out of doing that activity, flip your thinking. Ask yourself, ''Why am I putting it off?' Listen to what your external and inner voice is saying to you. Identify your own unique reasons for delaying. Write them down, then flip them into the positive to motivate yourself to act.

Here's an example. Replace 'I'm too busy and stressed' with 'I will be more energised and less stressed afterwards'. Turning the tables on negative thoughts and focus on the positive benefits beyond the activity. This will remind you of what you will get in return for your efforts.

3. Switch it up until you find your flow

Keep changing the way you approach certain tasks until you find the way you most enjoy doing it. For example, if you find you are more effective solving a challenge by bouncing ideas off people, then form a peer group at work to help develop solutions rather than struggle to come up with them yourself. If this isn’t your thing then find someone who has done it before and arrange to meet and pick their brains. Can you do a task swap with a work mate that works for everyone and gets things done? Work towards finding a process you enjoy. The one that also gives you a buzz rather than face a battle.

We are far more likely to stick at something if we get enjoyment from it.

4.Slow and steady wins the race.

Set smaller daily tasks for project work. Ones that relate to your main goals. Focus on the small tasks every day. Release yourself from the pressure of thinking about achieving your end goal. As you tick off the tasks of the day you will be another step closer to what you want to achieve. This way you will get quicker wins. You also release yourself from stressing about where you are now in relation to where you want to be.

5. Do yourself a favour

We all know getting a reward for completing a task can motivate us to continue. How about having your reward before you complete the task. This way it can spur you to go on and finish the tasks that you are delaying. It works in two ways. By creating a debt that you owe to yourself and it also gives you the motivation to ask yourself for more. I like Gretchin Rubin's article, The Psychology of Rewarding Yourself with Treats, 'If I give more to myself, I can ask more from myself’. Forming good habits can be draining, so having a healthy reward before our task can act as an effective motivator.

6. Set positive reminders

Today smart technology allows us to get reminders for anything, almost anywhere. Reminders are interruptions. Things that stop us from what we are doing - distractions that make us consider the next course of action or remind us to do something. We are not always receptive to the reminders we set for ourselves. Think about our alarm clocks - the snooze button is a method of rejection. Yet we still manage to get up and start our day. It can work the same way for doing the tasks we delay or avoid. Even though you might not welcome the reminder you are more likely to start acting on it if you receive an alert.

Set a positive reminder for key activities where you are procrastinating. Make it a reminder that makes you smile to put you in the right mood. If you don't want to create your own, there are so many to choose from in the Google Play or Apple Store - your favourite song, laughing guys, horse whinnies and even bullfrogs.

The Time to Act is Now

Why wait? Get Up and Go. Free yourself from procrastination. I wish you the greatest success with it.

I would really love to hear from you if you found this article helpful. Search for me on Linkedin at RootballLtd on Facebook or Rootball_ on Instagram and let me know how it's working for you.

About the Author

Kate Halewood is a Leadership, Careers and Life Coach specialising in behavioural transformation. She has over two decades of success in strategic and operational leadership, specialising in change management and business development. She started her career in hotel management, working for prestigious global hotel brands, Marriott and Hilton, as well as the renowned Carden Park Hotel, Golf and Spa Resort and latterly the Macdonald Hotels Group. Moving into the Transport Sector at a regional leadership level, she also headed up the Commercial Revenue and Marketing Team for Merseyrail Electrics as well as the Customer Development Team for the Merseytravel Transport Authority. Passionate about helping people overcome what's holding them back and to do more of what they do best, Kate has followed her purpose, become a qualified Life and Performance Coach and now runs her own company, ROOTBALL Coaching & Consultancy, working with private clients, entrepreneurs and corporate leadership teams to help them and their business thrive. She is also an active mentor and volunteer for the Princes Trust and board member for the Liverpool Everyman and Playhouse Theatres Trading Board.
Get in touch if you would like Kate’s help on how you and your leadership team can free yourself from procrastination.

Health & Fitness for Working Mums: The Full Series

September 12, 2019 Kate Halewood

Back in July 2019, I asked working mums in what areas they want to get some Lifestyle Lifts. The second most popular response from working mums (27%) was;

Health & Fitness

So, in August 2019, I published a five-week series on how working mums can get fitter and healthier. This article pulls together all five Lifestyle Lifts.

The Full Series of Lifestyle Lifts

1: The Six Minute Work Out

2: Family Workout

3: Four Hourly Feeds

4: Music Mantras

5: Uninvited Guest

The Six Minute Workout

This lifestyle lift is great for mums who find it difficult to commit to a regular fitness routine or don't currently have one. It is also fab for mums who already exercise and want to try something new. Roll in Zana Morris. I love her 6-minute HIIT video [High Intensity Interval Training]. It involves short bursts of exercise and you don't need to be super fit to get started. It's also a great time-efficient way to fit in to your daily routine. The beauty of it is, you can scale it up or down depending on your fitness level and involve the kids if you want to. Click here to see the video.

We can all find a spare 6 minutes in the day.

Family Workouts

This lifestyle lift carries on with the fitness theme and this time put your kids in the mix. Are you thinking that's impossible? Well here’s 4 short videos I have picked out for you. A workout with your kids, whatever their age, is totally possible.

Babies Help Mom and Dad with their Workouts / Baby Show How to Exercise Her Mum / The Busy Mom's Toddler Workout / Can’t Stop the Feeling Dance Workout - for older kids

Hope these videos give you inspiration to start or better your fitness routine. You and your older kids could even start designing one to do together.

Four Hourly Feeds

Nope, I'm not talking about breast - feeding. I do mean adult four hourly feeds. Sounds too good to be true, doesn't it - giving yourself permission to eat every four hours.

When we eat, we produce our ‘feel good’ chemicals – endorphins, oxytocins, serotonins, and dopamine - we are rewarded with ‘happy highs’. So, if eating makes us happy, why fight it? Let's eat every 4 hours and just be more savvy about what types of food we eat and how much.

Cut down portion sizes and eat more often - just stick to your overall recommended daily amounts. I've been doing this for years [mainly to avoid ‘Hangriness’] and it works. I'm ok to snack between meals because it's all part of the plan - treats included. You don't have to introduce big changes at once, just work up to it. You might first reduce your evening meal size, to fit in a mid-evening snack. Then reduce what you have for lunch to get a mid-afternoon snack and so on. The secret is to make sure your diet is balanced and healthy.

Here's 2 great articles from the experts to get you started;

A Balanced Diet for Women / Healthy Eating for Working Mums

Music Mantras

Have you thought any of these things lately?

“I can't do this” “I feel like I’m a terrible mum”, “Ughhhh, I think I'm losing my mind”

If the answer is yes, you are entertaining your ‘Uninvited Guest’– your negative inner voice.

Think about it. If you were throwing a party and an uninvited guest arrived and made you feel like crap, you’d throw them out, wouldn’t you? Well at least I hope you would.

Allowing negative thoughts to make you feel bad or berate you is not OK. Luckily, we all have the power to rid ourselves of negative thoughts. So free yourself from your ‘Uninvited Guest’ by tuning into Music Mantras. Listen to music you really love and sing along. Tune out negative thoughts and tune in to ‘good mood vibes’. Experience the dopamine release that makes you feel happy.

Here’s a masterpiece that is guaranteed to lift you up to regain your fighting spirit. Think you've got an even better one? Email kate@rootball.co.uk and let me know.

Uninvited Guest

What does your uninvited guest [critical inner voice] say to you?

When asked this question, many of us find it hard to put it into words. What we do know, is how it can make us feel… sometimes angry, anxious, confused, unworthy or even ugly.

None of us wants to feel like this. Yet, during times of stress, we give in to our uninvited guest, often believing the bad things we hear are true.

Feelings are not facts… We must not give our uninvited guests the power or influence to diminish our self-worth. Take positive action because your health and well-being depend on it.

Here’s how

Think of your uninvited guest, as another person - a saboteur. It is easier to tune out someone else than ourselves.

Look out for triggers. Notice the events and circumstances where negative thoughts and feelings arise. Note the exact words that spring to mind?

Without judgement or evaluation, respond to your uninvited guest with compassion - as you would to a loved one.

Here are some examples; UG: ‘I feel like a terrible mum’ YOU: ‘I always keep my kids safe and sound’

UG: ‘I can't handle this! ’ YOU: ‘Today, I’ll nail this!'

UG: ‘I feel like I'm losing my mind’ YOU: ‘Feelings are not facts… I’ll figure this out.'

Regular use of and belief in your ready-made responses means you will only start to entertain the guests you invite- the ones who truly enhance your life.

In what ways other do you rid yourself of your uninvited guest? Email kate@rootball.co.uk and let me know.

If you want more help to spur yourself into action, sign up here for a FREE copy of my Get Up and Go Lifestyle Lifts.

More Free Time. The Full Series of Lifestyle Lifts for Working Mums

September 4, 2019 Kate Halewood

Back in July 2019, I asked Working Mums in what areas they want to get some Lifestyle Lifts. The most popular response from working mums (33%) was;

More Free Time - 'Me Time'

Schedule and Book 'Do Not Disturb' Time

Social Media Detox

Make Chores Childs' Play

Have Home Alone Hang Outs

Swap Wishes for Way Finders

So, in August 2019, I published a five-week series on how working mums can get more free time. This article pulls together all five Lifestyle Lifts.

Do Not Disturb Time

Do Not Disturb time makes way for you to do whatever you want without any interruptions. It's works just like if you were staying in a hotel. First decide on how much alone time you want, what you would like to do and how often.

Next find your sacred place for exclusive use. Then ask your loved ones to agree to give you uninterrupted time at your chosen location. Include the exact dates, times and the duration of alone time you want. Then work with your family to make it happen.

If you are a single mum, tap into your friends and working mum community and ask them for help to give you DND time. Good friends are always willing to help their pals thrive. Try to make your DND time at least an hour so you can really benefit and get stuck into something you love doing. Pre-plan your DND time and what you are going to do. This way you can jump right in and you will have something tangible to really look forward to.

Think about it. How much time do you spend on social media a day? According to social.com we spend almost two hours/day on it. The Mothers Institute also reports working mums use it the most [92%]. Not surprising when the average person in the UK is signed up to seven social media accounts; not to mention the time needed to monitor your kids’ social media activity. Somehow, two hours seems like it could be much, much bigger. Even when seven out of ten of us say we should spend less time on social media - we don't because 56% of us have a FOMO [ fear of missing out] on social media activity.

What’s the worst that can happen if we take the odd say off social media?

I’m sitting here, pondering this question and I really can't think of anything that bad. Can you?

Having recently joined Facebook and Instagram this year [Yes, one of my first messages was welcome to the 21st Century messages], I quickly understand how it can take over your life - it’s addictive - Dopamine Fix Central. I love it for keeping in touch with friends and family - it does make you feel more connected.

The thing is, we all have other shit to take care of outside of social media and one of those important things is self-care.

What I love about social media is that we can all pick up from where we left off. Just like our favourite TV Soaps, it's not hard to pick up the thread and get quickly up to date.

So, what, if you join the social conversations late? No one expects you to be on standby to post, like, comment or share. The fact that you join in the conversation at all will always be appreciated. So, let's ask ourselves this question;

WHAT MEANS MORE TO ME? Getting some more free time back to myself or keeping my Social Media crown?

If you want more free time, give the detox a go.

Make Chores Childs' Play

For mums who are doing the lion's share of the household chores, tip three is get your kids doing the chores. You will start to win free time back for yourself.

Become the ‘Homemaker Coach’ rather than the Housekeeper.

Babies and toddlers love copying adults. My three-year-old niece Katherine is already helping her mum dust. Her little friend Luke plays with a toy vacuum cleaner.

Kids want to do adult things. I remember in my childhood standing on a foot stool so I could wash dishes. My Mum and Dad taught me everything I know about running a household. As a result, this part of my adulthood has been a breeze.

Household jobs can be playtime for kids and in turn make the chores child's play for parents. By delegating household chores, kids also learn valuable life-long skills and parents gain precious time back to themselves. Research also shows that children who do chores become more successful adults.

And if you are having trouble motivating your older kids to get involved, watch these two videos for inspiration. 1.Chores and Choices, 2.The Bonell Family

Home Alone Hang-Outs

Ever seen the film, Home Alone? Where 8 year old Kevin, wakes up to an empty house after wishing his family would disappear.

As a mum you might have similar fleeting thoughts or maybe you fantasize about running away. You’re not alone. According to research by Mums net, 67% of mum’s dream of being alone even on Mother’s Day.

So pre-arrange a regular time to hang out by yourself at home. Send your whole family out to do something whilst you do whatever you want to do. [Single mums ask a close friend to help with childcare].

It's not selfish to want or expect some time to yourself. HA-HOs give you the chance to relax, recharge and just be you - guilt free.

Swap Wishes for Way Finders

If you are still finding it hard to get free time, what's holding you back? Rachel Hersenberg PH. D suggests confusing free time with unstructured time could be the answer.

Unstructured time means we don’t have a plan in place for what we want to get done. Literally hours can go by before we realise it. Channel-hopping, social surfing, binge eating, obsessive thinking and compulsive behaviour are all examples of how we spend our unstructured time. Unstructured time is wasted time. It kind of makes us wish for more free time. So, here's how to get more structure. Shift your energy and stop those free time wishes.

Ask yourself, how much of my time is unstructured? Map it out over a standard week. What situations come up?

Bin these time wasters because they are not serving you. Take back your free time and plan in ways to spend it. This is how you find your way to more free time.

You now have five easy ways to get more ‘me time’.

So go and enjoy every minute of your newfound freedom.

Not sure what to do with your free time?

Why Vulnerability is Not a Weakness for Working Mums

July 19, 2019 Kate Halewood

Brene’s Call to Courage

Love Brene Brown's recent inspirational talk, Call to Courage on Netflix. It's worth a watch if you have got a spare 'hour and sixteen'. Her ideas come from twenty years of research into shame, wholeheartedness and vulnerability. She is an expert in her field and brings her own experiences to the table - she is funny too.

One of the takeaways Brene gives us in the Call to Courage, is the myth that vulnerability is a weakness.

Over the years I have struggled with the concept of vunerabilty. Sometimes I have been willing to put myself out there, other times I have not. I know I am not alone. Humans are taught from an early age to avoid pain and danger. From previous experiences, we want to avoid hurt, rejection and disappointment. Our fears, anxieties and uncertainties lead us to believe vulnerability is an absolute weakness. So we reject it in the belief we are protecting ourselves. We armour ourselves up, build invisible safe walls and at worst, become openly guarded.

I have now watched all of Brene’s talks about the power of vulnerability. She has a different point of view - Vulnerability is strength. She has interviewed over a thousand people through her research - she knows what she is talking about.

After listening to her talks, I wholeheartedly agree with what she has to say. Although it may scare us, I can see how being vulnerable can also help us all find more joy, creativity and love.

Women and Vulnerability

The subject of vulnerability is not gender exclusive. Though for the purpose of this article, I am going to concentrate on Working Mothers.

I know a lot of working mums who see vulnerability as a weakness. These strong women who appear positive and confident, who never get upset (well not in front of you). Who turn up and work so hard and use phrases like 'you just have to get on with it'. Yet if you look closely enough, you see flickers of an internal struggle. You offer a friendly ear and it gets turned down - politely of course- for fear of showing vulnerability.

The Unmistakable Supermums

I'm not knocking these women, far from it, they are my friends. It takes immense effort and energy to put on this work mask. To numb senses and show outward strength. To ignore the mental and physical warning signs and carry on. To be the unmistakeable Supermum.

There are so many reasons why working mums might do this to themselves. Fear of rejection from the people who matter. Wanting to feel good enough - be the best mum. To avoid being over-looked for a new job. Maintaining status and perceived value at work. Believing this level of control will deliver personal happiness.

Brave & Bad Habits

The thing is, it’s not healthy to sustain this level of behaviour. Your brave attempts to show people how in control you are, are not serving you well. Fears and anxiety are in the driving seat. Bad habits are creeping in to numb the pain. You are pushing yourself too hard - to exhaustion. Trying to fit in everything you did before you had kids. Competing with other mums for that imaginary gold medal. Comforting eating when things don't go to plan, drinking too much alcohol. You might already suffer from a mental illness - depression, anxiety or an eating disorder. It leads to feelings of unworthiness and working mums, you are all worthy! I admire you hugely for the personal sacrifices you make every day. How often you successfully juggle work and family commitments. Putting your loved ones needs before your own.

Tolerance, Courage and Vulnerability

Supermums are always ready to face and endure danger or pain and demonstrate bravery. This is a test of tolerance. It does not invite vulnerability, nor accepts it as part of the process. In contrast, courage is having the ability to do something that frightens us, with the intention to overcome our fears. To rid ourselves of danger, pain and suffering.

After decades of qualitative research, Brene has discovered without vulnerability, there is no courage. One cannot exist without the other. Unless we face what frightens us, in other words be vulnerable and courageous at the same time- we will will not rid ourselves of the things that cause us pain.

The research also reveals vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging and love. Supermums, don't you think you deserve this? A life filled with more love and joy over fear and anxiety? Of course, you do.

Apply Brene's teachings and practice vulnerability and you will also overcome fear and find more joy, creativity,belonging and love.

I'm not suggesting you need to start laying it all out there on Facebook or Twitter. Neither am I saying to share all your deepest insecurities with everyone at work or 'spill your guts' to anyone who will listen. This is over-sharing and it can often backfire. It also brings with it more shame, uncertainty and anxiety. As Brene says, 'vulnerability is not a measure of the amount of disclosure. It is a measure of the amount of courage to turn up and be seen when you don't know the outcome'. Being vulnerable should bring you closer to your people, leaving you feeling more connected, loved and valued.

The Call to Courage

It takes real courage to show genuine vulnerability. This is a journey of self- discovery as much as it is about real courage. Being vulnerable brings with it uncertainty, emotional risk and exposure. In the pursuit of more joy, love and greater connections with people, we must let our vulnerability be seen. It will be uncomfortable. We will face setbacks and know disappointment. We will also experience great joy.

What’s the alternative? Keep pushing ourselves in a way that does not serve us. Avoid putting ourselves out there so we never get what we want in life.

The Call to Courage sounds like a better way.

Answer the Call to Courage

Even if you don't know the outcome you can answer the call to courage. Be the person who asks for help with the kids so you can have some alone time on a regular basis. Show your boss how you are more productive doing a forty-hour week instead of a fifty hours plus week. Say 'I need a break' and ask your partner to pick up some extra chores. Show people who you are, not what you think you should be. Say I'm not perfect, I'm doing my best and know it is good enough. Explain to your kids why Supermum only exists in comics (they will still love you). Lean into the hard conversations. Trust in your ability to deal with the unknown and share how you feel with others.

As more of us start to practice vulnerability we will have more joyful experiences. More trust and empathy for each other. A strong sense of belonging, more love. Isn't that what we all want.

Get in touch

10 Great Lifestyle Lifts for Working Mums

July 13, 2019 Kate Halewood

Being a mum and a woman in business can be a bit of a juggling act. Balancing your kid’s needs, work pressures and private life can be stressful. Some days you have so much to do, you think your head might explode.

Most women decide to stop doing things to maintain their sanity. Focusing on what they consider to be manageable in their busy lives.

It is possible for working mums to regain balance across all aspects of their life. By making small tweaks here and there, you can live a more fulfilled life.

Here are some tips to help you give your lifestyle a bit of a lift.

1. Health & Fitness Routines

The NHS recommend you should do 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity every week. This is equal to a daily twenty-minute brisk walk. They also prescribe strength exercises that work all the major muscles on two or more days a week.

There are many ways you can incorporate fitness into your working day. The most important thing is to make sure your routine fits in well with your busy schedule. This way you will stick to it.

I particularly like my sister Caroline's approach to regular exercise.

Apart from making time to go to the gym and walking Pippin the family dog, she also exercises with her daughter, Katherine.

Even though Katherine is only three years old, she is an expert in doing early morning and evening squats. They even do some low-level acrobat gymnastics together. Both benefit by keeping fit and spending more time together. It also teaches Katherine the importance of a having a fitness routine at an early age.

2. Make Changes at Work

Busy mums often build strong social relationships and networks at work. Grabbing regular coffees with workmates and putting the world to rights. Being part of a tea club that keeps the drinks and the conversation flowing. Sharing a box of ‘naughty but nice’ chocolates as it makes the rounds. These activities strengthen friendships at work. They also result in a high intake of caffeine.

Caffeine is a stimulant. High doses can increase anxiety levels and make us feel more tired. This was something I experienced a few years back whilst being part of a tea club at work. Some days I would drink more than 6 mugs during my shift. I started having palpitations that cause me even more anxiety. The only way to prevent it was to cut out the caffeine.

This does not mean you have to stop being social. Instead, opt for de-caffeinated hot drinks or herbal teas. Add sliced fruit to water to give it a more interesting flavour. Start a healthy snack club with your workmates. The key thing is to reduce your caffeine intake to remove chemical induced anxiety.

3. Increasing Financial Income

According to the Child Poverty Action Group, the cost of a child is £150,753 per couple or £183,335 for a lone parent. Mums and Dads often feel the pressure to work longer hours or seek promotion to absorb the extra costs.

If you want to increase your annual income, consider finding passive income streams. Passive income is when you continue to get paid after the work is complete. You can Google 'passive income streams' and there are plenty of ideas on how you can go about it.

Possibilities include royalties from books, movies, or songs you may have written. Revenue from individual or joint investments. Ones where you don't have to be present to earn it e.g. real estate or high dividend stocks. Commissions from affiliated blogs or income from e-courses or e-guides you have developed. By putting in the work upfront you can enjoy earning extra income whilst you spend time with your kids.

4. Thoughts on Wealth and Personal Possessions

If you are obsessing about how much or little you give to your kids in comparison to other parents - STOP - do an Elsa* and let it go! There is always going to be a parent who can provide their children with more gifts than you. Often the parents you know who give their kids everything, can still find their children wanting more.

Gifting kids with the latest smartphone and designer clothes can make you popular. It can also break the bank of Mum and Dad and it will not provide the things that matter most to your child.

I like the article written by Erin Kurt on Lifehack. Her research shows it’s the small things that mothers do that mean the most to their kids. Giving hugs and having great conversations. Leaving special messages in lunch boxes and in desks. Watching films together and telling stories about when they were little. My husband grew up in a family where there was very little wealth and possessions. Yet he can share some of the happiest childhood stories, much more so than anyone I know.

Instead of placing value on possessions and wealth, look to other aspects of your life. Areas that bring you and your family joy and fulfilment. This is where you will find true wealth and you own it already.

*Queen Elsa sang Let It Go in the movie Frozen.

REMEMBER THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU SMILE.png

5. Find Gratitude in Spirituality

Working mums can often feel frazzled and spend a lot of time thinking in the future. This stems from a desire to well manage and control work and family commitments. Spending too much time in the future can cause anxiety. As mums try their best to predict and control future events, they can start to worry. They become overwhelmed by competing demands on their time and can become anxious.

Whatever your religion, spirituality is something that touches us all. It's a search for meaning in life, connecting to something bigger than ourselves. Being able to find gratitude for experiences in your life can bring you back to the present. It can encourage positive thoughts and guide you back to what you value - to what is most important to you.

One way to generate positive thoughts is to start a 'Gratitude Journal'. This involves getting in touch with what makes us happy. If we focus on what we are grateful for, more of those things will manifest in our lives.

Take some time to reflect on the events of the day. Remember the things that made you smile, laugh and filled your hearts with happiness. Record it in your journal so you can celebrate the moments for which you are most grateful. Going to bed on good news can also help you sleep better. In the morning you will be better equipped to balance kids, work and whatever else you have planned.

Oprah Winfrey has a Gratitude Journal and writes in it every night before she goes to sleep. Her television show has the highest rating for a program of its kind in history. She is one of the great spiritual teachers of our time.

6. Personal Development

Being a working mum can often result in their own personal development plans being shelved. Apart from the ongoing lessons of motherhood, many feel unable to take on extra training.

Learning is an important part of personal growth. Personal growth makes for a more fulfiling life. The more flexible and adaptable we are, the easier we navigate through life. We have all heard the saying 'a healthy mind is a healthy body'. There are 100 billion or so neurons or nerve cells in your brain that each grow ‘dendrites’. The more connections dendrites have with another neuron, the stronger the brain grows. The mind starts to expand. Regular learning sharpens our brains. It improves our ability to make decisions and makes us more equipped to overcome the challenges that life can throw at us.

Try a new activity every week to develop a growth mindset. In a year you could learn up to 52 new things. This is great for mums' because kids are always learning. Get involved in their creative activities and find some of your own to do when you have tucked them up in bed. My brother in law, Dan recently made some clay animals with his daughter, Katherine. During the activity he took still images at different stages of development. He then taught himself to make a short animation.

Parents getting creative with their kids

7. More Free Time

By free time, I am not talking about more time with other people. It’s about time for yourself- 'me time'.

Tasha Rube, a Licensed Master Social Worker has written an article on the subject. I particularly love the section about finding a suitable space to be alone. It recommends establishing a sacred place. Scheduling time to be in it and asking those around you to respect your privacy for a set time period.

This is a particularly great idea if you find it difficult to leave the house. Scheduling alone time can stop you from losing yourself. It gives you an opportunity to re-charge your batteries so you can be more present for the people in your home and work life.

Relationships

Splitting your time between your partner, family and friends can sometimes cause you a big headache. Whilst it is impossible to please everyone, all the time, it is possible to maintain positive relationships across the three relationship groups.

8. Friendships

Platonic friendships are often the first kind of relationships we develop through choice. They play an important role in our emotional development and well-being. Where platonic love exists, friends lean on each other for emotional support. A good friend will give it to you straight and show you compassion at the same time. They will always try and help you in your time of need. They can also provide us with different perspectives, helping us make better decisions.

Platonic friendships can sometimes get side-lined in favour of family. Pals can get put on the metaphorical subs bench. Brought only into play when other closer relationships fall short of our expectations.

It is a myth that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Where platonic love exists, repeated and sustained separation can bring on anxiety. Fears of insecurity and abandonment can turn into resentment.

Make time for good friends and put a date on it. Even if its having them over for dinner with the kids. By scheduling regular dates to meet up you are showing your pals how important they are to you - regardless of how busy your life gets.

9. Family Relationships

Often working mums' feel they must be available around the clock for both home and work. The tension between professional commitment and time at home is an ongoing dilemma. Having less time at home with kids can make mothers feel guilty. Particularly if they are not around as much outside of school hours. Knowing you can’t always be there is a fact of being a mother in business.

Make a household agreement to have a family dinner at least once a week. At the dinner discuss and plan a family activity that everyone wants to do for the following week. Schedule it on a family calendar and put it up in the kitchen as a reminder so everyone can look forward to it. Make it happen and immerse yourself in the joy that is your family.

10. Intimate Relationships

You’ve not had much sleep, the kids are screaming, the dogs barking. You look at your partner and you can’t remember the last time you had some alone time together. Between work and making sure the kids are ok, little time is leftover to focus on the two of you. Planning in date nights and extra-curricular activities can be a good idea. Although sometimes they can feel a bit unnatural and lack spontaneity.

Instead, try to incorporate romantic gestures and intimacy into the everyday things you do for each other. For example, having a candle lit supper after the kids have gone to bed. Blow them away by completing one of the family chores they normally do. Cuddles on the couch and impromptu passing kisses can also work until the chance arises to become more intimate. You will be amazed how little acts of romance, intimacy and kindness can strengthen the bond between you and your partner.

Introduce theses 10 great tips over time. Weave them into your weekly schedule and lift your lifestyle to new heights.

Get in touch

Contact me at kate@rootball.co.uk or call me on 07759 652357 to keep me posted on your progress.

Click here if you would like to find out more about my Lifeworks or Lifestyle Lifting Growth Plans.

Article sources

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/exercise/ http://www.cpag.org.uk/sites/default/files/uploads/CostofaChild2018_web.pdf https://www.lifehack.org/articles/featured/the-top-10-things-children-really-want-their-parents-to-do-with-them.html https://www.wikihow.com/Get-Alone-Time

STOP FOR NOTHING

July 9, 2019 Kate Halewood

When I met Jason Wilcock to talk about career change, I knew he had changed careers at least once. I was keen to share his experience with other people. Hoping to inspire them to follow their own dreams and find a job they love. During our ninety-minute conversation, a fascinating story emerged.

I discovered that when it comes to fulfilling his dreams, this very friendly and unassuming man 'stops for nothing'.

Image of Blackburn in the 1970’s, courtesy of the New Statesman

A Lancashire Lad's Dream

Jason Wilcock was born in Blackburn in the 1970’s when the once thriving cotton industry was in decline. From humble beginnings, his Dad worked many jobs to provide for his family. This inspired a similar work ethic in Jason.

He grew up in an era of economic uncertainty with hundreds of cotton mills closures and high unemployment. Jason wondered what life prospects his hometown could offer - he began dreaming of adventure and world exploration.

By the age of fourteen, Jason had developed an appetite for testing his own endurance. He also had an enthusiasm for adventure, and this led him to make his first career choice. He decided he wanted to become a Royal Marine Commando and earn the coveted Green Beret, so he ran down to the local Royal Naval Office to apply.

At fourteen years old, he was too young to join. This news did not deter Jason. On the day after his sixteenth birthday, he returned to the local Royal Naval Office and signed up.

Just before he started his training, he got a job so he could pay food and board to his parents. He worked in a shoe factory that heeled ladies’ shoes. His main job was to move pairs of shoes from one rack to another and Jason remembers how unfulfilled he felt at the time. This experience made him even more determined to follow his dreams. He wanted to get the most out of life - A year later Jason was awarded the Green Beret.

A World of Adventure

Five action-packed years went by. Jason loved working with his Royal Marine Commandos unit. He enjoyed travelling and being part of a brotherhood and elite fighting force. Some of his operational duties included Northern Ireland and Arctic warfare in Norway.

At the age of twenty-two, having successfully pushed his body and mind to new limits, he began to imagine his next dream. One where he could explore the world under his own steam, at his own pace. Hanging up his Green Beret for the last time, he left the Royal Marines in search of his next adventure - Canada.

Jason returned to the UK for a short spell to earn money to finance his world exploration. He worked in security and managed an amusement arcade until he raised the funds. Then he spent a couple of years exploring the continents of North America and South Asia.

To cover living expenses, he worked as a tutor for the Canadian Western Arctic Leadership Program. Later he became a white-water rafting river guide on the Ottawa River and then in Nepal. He led river expeditions on some of the best white-water rivers in the world.

Jason returned to work in the UK to finance another world trip to Australia. He worked as a child-care worker in Staffordshire for twelve months. Once in Australia, he did a short stint as a security guard at the Ritz Carlton Hotel in downtown Sydney.

An example of Jason's work

A New Direction

At the age of twenty-nine, Jason returned to the UK and started to work with young offenders in Wales. Shortly afterwards the company shutdown. Jason saw this as an opportunity to decide what he wanted to do next.

He decided to stay in Wales and go back to education, completing an A level in Fine Art and a Diploma in Art and Design. At the same time, he discovered an appetite for entrepreneurialism. During the second year of his diploma, Jason would sell his own paintings from his local market stand.

He went on to complete a degree in Design and Multi-Media at Glyndwr University. Half way through it, he and a few of his university mates also set up a commercial creative design company. They successfully ran the business for a further four years until 2006.

Dream Catching

Earlier in 2005, Jason had received a phone call from his dad. This call would persuade him to change the direction of his career again.

Jason’s dad was a keen amateur photographer. He had always dream't of turning professional one day and Jason shared his passion. During the call, his dad shared a vision of father and son starting up a company and working together. One where they could follow their passions and spend quality time with one another.

Within 3 weeks of the initial conversation, they started a wedding photography business. Their dream partnership was a great success and he and his Dad would go on to photograph over forty weddings a year.

Several years later, business was booming, and Jason became a Dad. With his new status as a father, he started to think about how he wanted to spend the next chapter of his life. He had already travelled and worked in over seventy countries. His next adventure was to be with his family -this led him to make another decision.

Family and Freedom

Jason wanted to be a great dad and be more present in his daughter’s life. At the time, his own Dad was also approaching retirement age. With some sadness they decided to dissolve their business partnership. This allowed Jason to continue to grow and run his own photography business. Running it in a way that allowed him to spend more quality time with his daughter, Lily.

Eight year have passed since Lily was born. Jason still runs a successful photography business, spending precious time with his daughter. They share a passion for adventure and often explore nature in search of new experiences. He continues to travel the world, ticking off adventures on his bucket list and promising plenty more adventures yet to come.

Bringing Life into Careers

What’s interesting about Jason’s career choices, is that he has shaped his career around what he wants out of life. His story reveals how it is possible to follow and realize your dreams. There are three things we need. Flexible thinking, a willingness to try and an unwavering determination to make it happen. His journey blazes a trail of significant events. Ones that have motivated and inspired him to get the lifestyle he wants. This is not a person who gives up – it is a person who sees life as an adventure. Someone who always wants to explore what’s round the ‘unknown corner’. He is a dream catcher. A person who does not let obstacles get in his way and never settles for a life he would consider to be second best. He understands and embraces the change in his expectations, dreams and aspirations. Always trusting that following them to fruition, will bring him ultimate happiness and fulfilment.

When I asked Jason what advice he would give to someone thinking about making a career change, he replied;

‘Always try to have a financial plan before you make a career transition. This removes some of the fear of going into the unknown. Also, make sure you are in love with your dream - it will keep you going when obstacles try and stand in your way’.

I wanted to know more about what obstacles he faced and overcame during his journey. He told me;

‘deciding what you truly want to do next - once you have decided though, it’s simple, you just crack on and get on with it’.

Jason is living proof that nothing can stop us from achieving our dreams. All we need to do is decide what we want to do, really want it and have an unconditional commitment to making it happen.

Before we said our goodbyes, I asked him what he has gained from the whole experience. Self-belief is his answer. I expected him to say happiness, but it does makes sense when you think about it. Jason has successfully re-designed and re- built his career many times. Above everything else, he trusts in his ability to achieve anything he puts his mind to. Without his growth in self-confidence, he may not have followed his dreams and earned the success, happiness and fulfilment he now enjoys. When you consider this, it is not surprising that he says self-belief is ultimate pay off.

Acknowledgements

Huge thanks to Jason Wilcock for sharing his fascinating story with me and for also giving me permission to share it with you.

Click here to find out more about Jason and the great photography services he provides.

Get in touch

If you would like help to find your happiness, success and fulfilment like Jason, contact me at kate@rootball.co.uk or call me on 07759 652357.

Jason Howard Photography owns the copyright for the images used in this article, where supplied by Jason Howard Photography.

To Move On, Or Not To Move On- This Is The Question: Part 2

June 17, 2019 Kate Halewood

Still waking up with a feeling of anxiety or dread about going into work? Having ongoing uncertainty around returning to work, after taking some time off? If the answer is yes, grab yourself a cuppa, find a comfortable spot and read on - this article should be right up your street.

In my last blog we discovered that almost half of all workers in the UK (47%) would like to change career. Not all make the switch because they are apprehensive about making it. The main reasons are due to a lack of financial security, uncertainty on what to switch to and fear of failure.

If you are undecided about a career change and share some of these worries, here’s some advice to help you make your mind up.

First understand the initial strength and nature of your motivation for career change. Moving to another profession can be hard work. It can involve significant time and effort to learn new skills and gain the required knowledge to make the move. There are also financial implications that need considering. Reflect on your motivations and identify the potential benefits from making the switch. This will reduce the possibility of making an impetuous job move. Exercise 1 can help you identify and understand your motivations.

When considering a career change, one of the hardest things is knowing what work to do instead - career confusion sets in. Many of us find ourselves in a state of limbo between our current work and the promise of a dream job. Often this level of uncertainty leads to a lack of motivation to act. The idea goes on the metaphorical back burner and we make remarks like ‘better the devil you know’ or ‘I’m probably better off staying put’. The difficulty comes when our unconscious minds are telling us something different.

When our conscious and unconscious minds are in conflict, we can threaten our mental health and well-being. Persistent conflict can cause serious health conditions like depression, long-term stress and anxiety.

If you are regularly thinking about career change, have been for a while and are yet to reach a decision, you are in conflict. Get clarity on your career purpose to help you decide what you want to do.

Our individual motivations and career purpose often differ. The right career for you may not be right one for someone else. We all have our own unique set of values, beliefs, knowledge, abilities and desires. Spend some time thinking about what's important to you in your work. Get to know yourself better and explore potential career alternatives. Explore fears and uncertainty without risk. Identify your true work purpose before taking the plunge and then plan what you need to do to make a successful career transition. Exercise 2 can help you get clarity on your career purpose

There is only one way to get financial certainty and that is to plan for it. Having enough savings to finance a career move means you can take more immediate risks. Yet one in four Brits have no savings. The average consumer debt per household in 2019, has also reached over fifteen thousand pounds. This means an uncalculated risk is most definitely not an option for most people. To achieve our dreams and aspirations we all need financial stability. Often, we think we need to sacrifice one for the other and this can stop us from exploring our options further. There is no getting away from the fact that sometimes we do not have the immediate means to finance a career move.

This should not stop us from fulfilling our dreams. Think about taking a more gradual approach.

Whether you are on minimum wage or earning more, you can find ways to reduce the money that goes out. If you are thinking of going into business yourself and personal savings is not an option, get help. You could get a small business loan, find a business angel or even consider crowd funding. If you feel out of your depth, consider getting independent professional financial advice. You can also seek further guidance from your local Citizens Advice Bureau. Certainty around financial security can be achieved within several months. Prepare to plan for a longer period though if you need to re-train and want to maintain earning status. When the commitment is greater, belief in your dream is fundamental. Sometimes we need to cut back, stop doing or change the way we live for a while, to get what we really, really want. Exercise 3 can help you plan for financial certainty

We all have an inbuilt fear response to a threat of physical or emotional danger. At one time our ancestors experienced many threats to human life which often led to life or death consequences. Today, the stakes are much lower. Yet our minds still treat the threat as significant and the response is fear. In the context of career change, we also assess threats and if we see danger, we become fearful. Often fear of failure, loss of status or not being good enough stop us. Fear of regretting the decision, starting again and even success can also hold us back. An ongoing internal dialogue of self-doubt ensues and we talk ourselves out of trying something new. Our ‘fight, flight or freeze’ response kicks in. We decide either to make an impulsive career move, stay put or have a prolonged state of indecision. None of which may end up being resourceful to us in the long run. Obstacles get in our way and we are the ones responsible for putting them there.

Most of the people I have talked to, who have made a forced or unforced career change, have done so, with a degree of fear. I can also attest to this from my own experiences. To completely eradicate fear is unrealistic. Mitigating the perceived threats or risks that create fear is a more pragmatic approach. When we plan and set ourselves goals, we are more in control of and confident about the decisions we make. When we identify and mitigate risks, we remove potential obstacles that stand in our way. Fear and uncertainty start to fade, and we become more willing to try something new. Planning well for a career change can help you find the courage to make the transition.

To become more fearless, plan for it as if it has happened. This takes you beyond theoretical planning to somewhere between your current job and your dream job. The idea is to get experience in your chosen career before making a permanent move. It can involve a temporary work placement, secondment, day-release or doing other work in your own time. This way you can get ‘on the job’ experience at the same time as protecting your existing employment. Although the full transition has not yet happened, you will get a better feel for the job you are interested in. Whether you are employed or run your own business make time to explore new possibilities. It can reduce fears associated with a career move.

Even though planning is a great way to help us develop confidence about making a career change, some fears are more deep-rooted. They can relate to a significant event that has happened in our past. We can do something about this too. By getting in touch with our unconscious mind, we can re-programme our thinking. All our learning and behaviour change occurs in the unconscious mind. This means almost every human being on the planet has the capacity to re-programme the way they think about things. One way to do this is to visualise a detailed image having already made the successful career change. One where you have conquered the fear. By keeping it fresh in your mind, your subconscious accepts your image as reality. It then works to make sure you achieve it. Successful people like Oprah Winfrey, Arnold Swarzenegger and Lindsey Vonn all practice visualisation.Exercise 4 can help you become more fearless.

Positive affirmations, mantras or auto-suggestions, designed to overcome a fear, can also be useful. Try to see the journey as an adventure, something you want to explore to see what will happen. There are no certainties in life so prepare yourself to approach change in a more flexible way. One that keeps you open to adapt to new possibilities along the way - that’s what Paula did.

Paula Ellis grew up in Old Swan, an inner-city area of Liverpool. After a successful work placement at Liverpool Housing Trust, she went on to work in social housing and customer services management for over 30 years. Eventually, the reduction of social value related services led to an organisational restructure. Her role, along with some other posts, were made redundant. In her mid-forties, she was forced to re-consider her employment options.

Instead of being defeated by the situation, she chose to think of the event as an opportunity. She explored different ways she could help improve public services for the people of the Liverpool City Region. In 2012, she set up and still runs a local community interest company with her business partner. They have since been successful in bidding for and securing local funding to help young people from complex backgrounds to improve their personal skills in areas such as self-esteem, confidence, resilience and decision making. Since being made redundant, her company has provided freelance opportunities with the Liverpool City Council, local Parish Councils and the Homes and Communities Agency. She has also been a School Governor at St Alberts School in Knowsley and The Belvedere Academy in Liverpool.

Paula now works in public transport for the Liverpool City Region Combined Authority, as the Corporate Engagement Manager. Whilst some of her career moves were triggered by events out with her control, she has gone on to have a more diverse work experience and gain greater personal benefits like flexible and agile working, higher salary and significant personal development across several public sectors. She told me, ‘if you are willing to try and put the effort in, you can succeed at most things.’

Career change is ultimately about getting more of what you want out of life.

What's the absolute worst than can happen if you change your career? You may not like your new job and want to change careers again or even go back to your old career. Well you will already have experience at doing the former. In the latter case you are no worse off than you were before. In fact, you will have gained more valuable knowledge, experience and skills to help you with all your future adventures.

What’s the absolute best that can happen if you change your career? You find the job of your dreams and go to work, for the most part, feeling truly fulfilled.

Acknowledgements

Massive thanks to Paula Ellis for sharing her story with me and giving me permission to share it with you.

Contact

I would love to hear from you if you have an interesting career change story or want to find out more about my Growth Plans.

Email kate@rootball.co.uk or call 07759 652357. Hope you found this article useful.

References:

To Move On, Or Not To Move On- This Is The Question: Part 1

May 9, 2019 Kate Halewood

47% of people in the UK would like to change career

If you are waking up with a regular feeling of dread and anxiety about going into work or are filled with uncertainty about returning to work after taking some time off, this article should help you decide whether to start thinking more seriously about making a career change.

A scientific study undertaken by the [University of Manchester] suggests that having a bad or stressful job can be worse for our mental health and well -being than being unemployed. Yet having a strong sense of purpose in life, promotes good health and longevity. According to a recent survey by the [Independent], British people on average spend nearly a third of their lives in work and getting to and from work, so having a job that gives us a strong sense of purpose is more important than ever, to provide us with sustained mental and physical health benefits.

The results of a study undertaken by the [London School of Business and Finance]suggest that nearly half of all workers in the UK (47%) would like to change career. Whilst a proportion of people (23%) seem to regret their current career choice, they are still apprehensive about making a change owing to three key factors; lack of financial security, uncertainty on what to switch to and fear of failure.

So, if you are one of those people who no longer feel satisfied with your current job, the good news is you are not alone – there are literally millions of other people in the UK in the same boat.

What to do next?

Your reason for considering a career change may result from a recent redundancy, career break, or you simply want a better work-life balance, increased salary and benefit prospects or improved job satisfaction -or it may even be a combination of these factors.

Whatever, the driving force, finding a fulfilling career for most can feel like a massive challenge and often believed to be out of reach. If you are feeling stuck, disengaged with your chosen career and are confused on what to do next, it really does mean it is time for you to reflect on what you want for the future and start doing something about it.

A limiting concept

Lots of us may be unconsciously working towards retirement and see it as the end game to our ultimate happiness - this is a pretty limiting concept when you think about it. For some this means potentially being in a job, they no longer enjoy, until the age of 66 years - possibly older, as more UK state pension age reviews take place. To put this into context, according to the Office of National Statistics, the average life expectancy in the UK, depending on your sex, is currently between 79 and 83 years. If you do the sums, this means some people are planning to find fulfilment in life for less than a quarter of their entire existence (16-20%) and sadly some may not even make it that far to enjoy this disproportionate level of happiness– it’s quite a disturbing fact when you think about it, isn’t it.

Understand your motivation

Career change is not always the answer for everyone and those who decide to give it a go, will need to find the motivation, courage, belief and faith to take the plunge despite their fears and uncertainties. So, before deciding to change your career path, it is vital that you make sure you first understand your motivation behind wanting the change. This way you will have more confidence, faith and belief that a career change is right for you.

Letting go and finding answers

Over the course of my career, many people have switched from the idea of having ‘a job for life’ to having and wanting ‘life in their job’. The search for fulfilment at work has led to more people thinking about and making a career change. Yet there are still many people in a job that no longer satisfies them. By letting go of limiting beliefs and by finding answers for some of the uncertainty that surrounds a career change, more people may be able to find a job that they truly love, really excel at and find inner lasting happiness, success and fulfilment at work, instead of aiming to eventually secure it during retirement.

A bit about me and my Granny

My Granny was my inspiration. She had the courage to change careers and trained to become a registered nurse in her forties, at a time when women having careers was a new concept rather than the norm.

I successfully changed career in my early 30’s and have recently again decided to make a change and run my own business in my forties. I can honestly say my experiences to date have enhanced my life and the choices I made have been pivotal in giving me the life I want. My career change journey has given me personal growth, helping me understand so much about myself, what I do best and most importantly what I enjoy doing. It has also led me to want to help other people successfully do the same thing.

Part 2 - ‘Moving on - the Journey’ coming soon

Interested in learning how to identify and understand your career change motivations and want to get some tips on how to remove some of the uncertainty before taking the next step?

If your answer is 'Yes' then keep your eyes peeled for Part 2 – ‘To move or not to move - this is the question’ coming soon.

If you found this article helpful, please like or comment on it and share it if you think someone you know may find it useful. You can also get in touch if you are interested in finding out more about my career change coaching growth plans.

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Source: https://www.lsbf.org.uk/media/2760986/fina...

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